I licked the "special sauce" from my right index finger just as I finished the last bite of my second Big Mac. "
Finding out that special sauce is just salad dressing was just like finding out that Dad ate the cookies I left out for Santa, all those years. What a jerk." I sipped the remainder of my Coke making that loud slurping sound my mother finds so offensive. Sorry, Mom, we're in a recession, and I can't let any amount of food or drink escape me. At that very moment, the clouds parted, and I had an extended moment of clarity like when I realized that third Matrix movie was entirely unnecessary.
Somewhere, in a part of my brain I rarely use, I discovered that I nearly
always eat every bit of food I really like. I even lick the salt from my fingers when I eat fries, and swipe that last bit of ketchup from my plate, because I hate to waste good food. While getting that LAST sip of Coke, I asked myself a very apropos question: Am I as concerned about the potential waste of my human capital as I am about scooping up that last dollop of salsa from the chips and salsa portion of an Applebee's sampler?
I used to underestimate myself, living a "[life] of quiet desperation," as Thoreau wrote. He wrote other things, but that's all I remember, right now. Honestly, I feel that most people I know are more talented and have more potential to enrich their lives than I do. Unfortunately, public approval of one's life shouldn't be enough. Get a few academic degrees, and people will think you're somebody, but I have to live with myself, and I know there's more to me than my education. When I look back on my life, no public consensus of my life's worthiness will matter at all beyond what I think of myself when I look in the mirror in my last days.
Assuming, of course that I can get to a mirror on my own at that age. NURSE!
I decided that I'd rather live a short life toward a purpose or cause that I could never accomplish in my lifetime than be alive for a long time without really living (I plan to live for a long time, of course, but if i had to choose one or the other, purpose wins over longevity). I'm unsure of what all my talents and abilities are or what good can come of them, but I think finding out and then acting on them are the worthiest causes of my life. Whatever gets me a Nobel Prize, you know. That sounds a lot like I'm emerging from a mid-life crisis, complete with a trophy wife half my age and new corvette, but it's really not.
I feel like my time is
now, yet I'm living as though I'm still
waiting to be ready for the rest of my life. It never works that way, just as I learned as a child that the pool never gets warmer until you're in it. I'd rather not entertain the thought of living an empty life and looking back, later, like "
I should have done that. I certainly could have if THAT GUY did! He couldn't even walk across the stage to get his degree without TRIPPING, and look at him, now. All I did was achieve a drop-in-the-bucket level of fame on the Internets. Sweet."
That's certainly not the thought I want to have while on my deathbed. I'll die happy if the only regret I have for my whole life is that I never recovered from that anti-climactic Sopranos ending.
TheBigShowAtUD©
Comments (99)
Although it has its flaws...I am addicted to the book "Strengths Finder 2.0" even despite that very corny name...I guess when you have lived a long life of feeling the master of nothing and mediocre at everything that happens. They are probably targeting me in particular...those punks...
Good luck on your quest, I think the most successful and smartest people are the most aware of their strengths and limitations...and it isn't easy because we are complex people to start with...
Those are deep thoughts...and you have made an excellent point. I still feel like I'm waiting for life to happen instead of actually doing something to make it happen. I really need to do something about that. Thanks for motivating me to get off my butt.
Knowing there is something more inside you and trying to figure out what it is can be a b**ch. Introspection can also cause migraines, ulcers and an occasional attack of heartburn. Don't let it get you down. As with your fondness for licking up the last crumbs, take the salt that is the spice of life and add it to your life of meaning. You've accomplished your overriding goal in education and career. Now it's time to find out who you are inside and let him out. We're looking forward to meeting him.
I lost all concentration after you called for a nurse. Just kidding....Oddly enough, the part about the pool not getting warmer until you jump in, spoke to me the most.
The bad thing is this...at the end of your life you will not be able to possibly know how many lives you touched and how....maybe even with just a few personal ideas on a blog. I always think about the butterfly effect. The touch on someones back when they needed human contact, an encouraging word at just the right time or words like yours that make people not only think but maybe even cause some action on their part.
@AnamcharaConcepts - introduce us, if you meet him, first. it's entirely possible... with your married wisdom, and all. could happen.
@TheBigShowAtUD - You'll be the first I'll contact. Us married women know what to look for.
Since I have nothing clever to say about how amazing you're writting is or anything of the sorts I'll just leave you with this your-life-will-amount-to-something-awkwardly-long hug.
It's a good thing I have you around old man, so you can figure this stuff out for me.
I've always had this weird theory that when everyone's discovered their purpose on here and is acting upon that discovery, the world will cease to be the imperfect thing it is. No more crappy endings to the Sopranos, no more recessions, and no more women making excuses about hair washing. Oh, but there will be plenty of Kentucky Football and beer.
For the record, I think you're asking one of those life questions that the trickiest. How is it that we live our lives everyday and yet cannot answer a question about ourselves? It's a killer for me, personally (What, self? I'm not intended to smooth-talk all of the time? It's what I do best though!)
Hang in there. Trophy wives and Corvettes are a little overrated anyway and something better will manifest itself in due time.
Wait. Alright. The 'Vettes are excellent.
I love what you said about purpose being more important than longevity. I totally agree. What's the point of living long if you never made a difference in the world? By the way... your small "fame" on the internet could totally make more of impact that you'll ever realize. You write awesome blogs and treat people here so kindly. I'm sure you've made more of a difference than you realize.
As far as figuring out your life... I don't know what to tell you. I wish I knew what was going on with my life too. You'll figure it out eventually. Maybe the time isn't now, maybe it needs to be later, for some reason or another.
Live fully and enjoy each chapter of your life as you write it, so that you have no regrets when you reach "the last page". Wishing you just enough clouds in your life to make for a beautiful sunset.
When you win a Nobel Prize, I'm going to steal your cash.
Just thought I'd warn you in advance.
The Matrix had a third movie? Whoa... I'm so lost.
Ah, life...
It's so unpredictable.
At least there's finger-lickin' good chicken...
and Dr. Pepper.
Applebees is torture for the workers there.
And on my deathbed I want to think about when the Cubs won the world series finally.
i want a big mac now...
@bluedreamer85 - tell me my purpose in life, and i'll buy them for you, forever.
purpose...hmmmm.....
to be...the Big Show.
Yea, I never saw the 3rd Matrix. I stopped with numbero dos.
I can tell you what your purpose should be...but I won't post that here. Ask me later. :)
I'm not even sure what my potential is, but I see myself as a tiny dot on a great big grid. While there are lots of dots above me, there are many, many more below me. Of course, we move around a bit on the grid...higher at times than at others....but I always try to appreciate where I am in life, while still trying to reach higher.
I like this - it speaks to what a lot of people in their mid-late 20s are feeling. Once you've reached a clarity on your career path, you realize that "what you are" is not the same as "what you do," something I don't think we realize when, as children, we're asked what we "want to be" when we grow up. Thanks for articulating these inner-questions we all face so well.
I wish you luck figuring out how to utilize your inner salt as much as you can that off your french fries (I feel like there's a reference to the gospel - Matthew, actually!? - in there ....).
what an epiphany!
your first sentence made me think this post was going to be R rated... but alas my disappointment.
i actually finish everything on my plate as well. every last pea, every last morsel of corn on the cob, veggies, meat, everything.
Get a few academic degrees, and people will think you're somebody, but
I have to live with myself, and I know there's more to me than my
education.
Oh how true. When I'm done with this, I'll have three sets of letters behind my name. Once I'm board certified, there will be even more. However, that does NOT define who I am. Too bad nobody else bothers to notice.
And, by the way, a trophy wife half your age would be.... fourteen. I'm pretty sure that's illegal in most states. Except maybe Nevada. They have some screwball laws in that state.
Then DO something. I had that epiphany at the ripe age of 20, changed my major and am looking forward to my dive master certification, even though I have asthma and a heart problem. Live life to the fullest, right?
when i get to my death bed, the only regret i would not be able to forgive myself for having is that of a missed opportunity. living life means taking the risks that are put in front of you, even if one of those risks is polishing off that heart attack on a bun.
You know the secret to special sauce? Oh. Em. Gee. Don't tell me. I'm content with savouring the amazing flavour of special sauce on my fries, without knowing what I'm actually consuming.
You make valid points in this... Assuming your greatness is yet to come (not counting interwebs fame), get your butt out there and do something!! You're not getting any younger you know
I think you should do something totally wild and insane that'll go down in world history.