"
Can I, for once, get through here without all of the drama," I thought, incredulously. "
Just ONCE!" But such is my life as a fast-food connoisseur. The convenience of immediacy in the religion of fast-food instant gratification comes with the high-price of drive-thru drama. I feel like that guy on the news who's been struck seven times by lightning, and I think "
Seven times? What did he do wrong in a previous life to deserve that?" Unfortunately, I'm the guy who can't drive around to the second window without enduring a hellish experience between paying for and receiving my food. It's like an unpublished chapter of Dante's Inferno.
The fast-food parts of my life are a Divine Comedy with more drama than the Xanga front page during an election year... or anytime of every year, really.
And this
only happens at Wendy's. Oh, I know, fast-food eateries are replete with mistakes due to the emphasis on speed over quality. I get it; teens and their summer jobs, as it were. But when Taco Bell botches my order, at least I get two extra taco supremes and whatever a "gordita" is. And thanks, "Amy," for ten packets of HOT sauce. You're pretty cute, yourself, but there's NO WAY you're old enough to work at Taco Bell. Get out of there while they're still hiring at Toys 'R Us. This is why, if we're being honest, I'm a McDonalds man. I know they have a clown for a mascot (and you how I feel about clowns), but there's something comforting about a menu where "Smiles are free," even though I'm sure they'd secret-sauce my Big Mac if I ever requested one. Still, for all of the drama I avoid around
here, Hector* just couldn't keep his teeth away from my ATM card, could he?
*The drive-thru attendant's name was, in fact, Hector. Don't try to play me. I paid attention, because blog accuracy is serious business.
I've never seen a person wait for the receipt by HOLDING THE CARD IN HIS MOUTH. Ever. PEN CAP, MUCH? Oh, sure, plenty of times people swipe my card like being "Employee of the Month" requires sliding the card so fast that the magnetic strip tears from the plastic. Whatever, I've seen it all in twenty-eight years, but this, friends, goes into it's own category of "
Whaaaaaat did he just DO?!" At Wendy's, they mistake your ATM card for a toothpick, or something that people use to satiate their unconscious oral fixations. Who knew. What would Freud say? Seriously, I only took the card back, because there's still a decent amount of money on it. Had I overdrafted my account just for some processed, heat-lamped goodness, you better
believe Hector could have kept it for himself, like "
Chew it, and you own it, dude." Burn it, and get a new one, maybe?
Apparently, "
Now Hiring" means "
Teething Grown Men, Welcome." Dave Thomas would never have allowed this.
TheBigShowAtUD©
Comments (91)
HA! clean your card with purell.
i believe you should burn it anyway... also... the flavoring in a frosty is fake.. fyi.
Wow...seriously. Wow. And, how not like you to write a blog about food.
Wow.
@Kontzicles - stop ruining my dreams.
Ew. I don't even... Why would he even think that's a good idea?
I didn't know it was possible to strip a card's magnetic strip by swiping it too fast...
Thanks to your tags, now I want a frosty. Grrr you.
Oh my. Is it odd that the first thing I thought about was your butt?? Hahaha. As in, don't you keep your wallet in your back pocket, presumably with the card inside? That's just the first thing I thought of. Does Hector not realize how many different hands, not always clean, have touched/held your card??? Wendy's always gets you. Always.
hahahhaha omg. Great story from a single event such as a drive through. How do you do it?
that's lovely. though to be fair, paying by plastic at a fast food joint seems weird to me.
blogging accuracy is serious business dude. too bad you missed the hard fact that taco bell is pretty darn awsome.
I think he just had a thing for you. Biting your card was his creative way of saying, "Remember me when you bite into that first french fry, won't you pal?"
Take Kontzicles advice: Burn the card.
@Kontzicles - It's fake? But its full of yummy goodness.
Man, you gotta start paying in cash.
When I read your first line I thought you were talking about Xanga drama! :) But putting your card in his mouth is a new low of fast-food disgusting. I'm impressed you had the courage to take it back!
Haha, struck 7 times by lightning.
That reminded me of Benjamin Button the movie.
@bravegirl1986 - zero? so harsh.
Ughh! Spit. Gross. ♥
@TheBigShowAtUD - Zero? Zero what? I'm lost.
haha. a customer came in with his check in his mouth and handed it to me- it wasn't filled out. i had to handle and fill out the saliva covered check - the moment he walked out the door i grabbed the purell and soaked my hands. people are disgusting.
hand sanitizer. wet towels?
@saturdai17 - I don't think Purell is enough. can you boil it? I don't think plastic can melt at 212... If so, u can order a new chew toy. I mean ATM card...
Cover the face of your card with soap and go back tomorrow.
It could be worse. He could've been scratching his butt or crotch with your card...
That's nasty! What was he thinking?
Hope he doesn't have the new influenza!!
Oh, wow! Haha that's awful/hilarious. You have such a way of writing things, too :)
That's gross.
You need disinfectant stat!!! Or maybe soak it in Dettol.. Or something that will get rid of the molecular evidence of Hector's saliva.
Nevertheless, that is super gross!
Wow.. he..? *sigh*